As I am writing this, I am on cycle day 33 and expecting to start my period any day. I can feel it coming in my physical, mental and emotional body. The last few days I have been feeling really lethargic and unmotivated, my body aches and even an hour walk left me in need of a nap. I’ve been feeling everything.. fear and anxiety around COVID19 situation and the future state of the world, uncertainty about how life will look in a years’ time, loneliness from not being able to see my family and boyfriend and the majority of my social connections being through electronic devices, boredom and frustration at not being able to go out and do things in the way I used to.
Not that I haven’t been feeling these things for a while, but at this time of the month they are so much more intense! It’s tempting to just distract from these things with TV or social media (and sometimes I do fall into that trap) but I know it’s also important to sometimes just feel things and let them pass in their own time. So I have been spending time just chilling these last few days, taking slow walks, lying on my bed listening to music and practicing gentle yoga. I realised that emotions aren’t static but they come in waves. If I watch them and make space for them then they move through pretty quickly. If I fight them and try to force myself to be productive or to engage with people when I’m not feeling like it then the mood can stick around all day.
After practicing menstrual cycle awareness for a few years, I know that the pre-menstruum is the time to surrender and let all of these emotions run their course. It can feel like I’m losing it sometimes as I shift from taking everything in my stride to being unsure and doubtful. I think without that knowledge and awareness of my own patterns it would be so much harder to comprehend and accept this. It definitely helps to know that the comfort and bliss of menstruation is waiting on the other side. Even though my period comes with some physical pain, mentally and emotionally I feel so much more stable and certain of myself.
In the last few months, my cycles have been unusually long which I put down to stress and worry as nothing else in my lifestyle has changed. This has meant a loooong pre-menstruum. I wonder if it is my bodies sign that it has more to process and needs to stay a while in that “inner autumn” state? Giving me the “gift” of fatigue to force me to stop and take time out. Unfortunately we can’t control our cycles and just have to let our own experience guide us and trust our bodies know what they are doing. It’s kind of fascinating really when I can take a step back and observe the patterns without getting too tangled up.
I haven’t had much time or energy to write my blog lately as there is so much going on in my life but I can’t wait to get back to posting regularly. I am moving from the UK to Greece in a few weeks time so I have a lot of planning and organising to do but once I arrive and get settled I’ll be back to it!