Tag: psychology

The simple path towards better health in all areas

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When you start out on the journey to better heath it can be difficult to know where to start. Should you focus on eating a more nutritious diet or try moving your body? Maybe start a meditation practice or develop your personal relationships? These are all great ways to improve your health which can lead to more energy, happier outlook and greater life satisfaction. But what if I told you that there is one thing which can lead you to better health in all areas?

In my experience the practice of self-study or Svadhyaya (svad-ee-ya-ya) is the foundational practice which can help you to make positive changes and “level up” your life experience.

What is Svadhyaya?

Svadhyaya is one of the niyamas intoduced in the Yoga Sutras of Patanjali. They are the duties or observances described in the eight-limbed path of ashtanga yoga. Svadhyaya is the practice of self-study or self-reflection, sometimes with the help of spiritual books. Practicing self-study means to observe yourself from an outside, non-judgmental seat. You start to witness your habitual thoughts, feelings and behaviours. With consistent, dedicated practice you eventually start to understand the true nature of your being.

How can self-study lead to better health?

Through self-study you start to see the stories you tell yourself on a daily basis. We all have our stories that have arrived as a result of past experiences and our emotional reactions to them. These stories can loop around our minds and affect our choices and actions. They create energy blockages in our body-mind system where our attention is partially distracted at all times.

When energy is tied up in these blockages, it is not available to direct towards other areas of your life. This can lead to unsatisfying relationships, work, hobbies and self-image. You don’t feel good about yourself and you are not fully present to make the most of your experiences.

Energy blockages can also prevent you from taking action to improve your health. You have a limited amount of energy available to use and some of it is leaking away by keeping these stories alive. This leaves less energy for healthy lifestyle habits such as preparing healthy food, moving your body and nurturing your interests and relationships.

In many cases our stories can keep us stuck in habits that are not serving us. No matter what are intentions are, our habits are what shape the actions we take and the outcomes we see. Witnessing our stories and releasing ourselves from their ties can liberate us to make choices that are aligned with our goals and values.

Release your stories to find better health

Identifying the stories which are holding you back can help you to make lasting changes and better health in all areas by changing the way you think, feel and show up in the world every day. Some examples of stories which can prevent you from finding better health:

You hold the story that you are boring and unlikeable. In your interactions with others you will be partially distracted worrying about what they think of you. Instead of being yourself and interacting authentically there will seem to be a barrier between yourself and others.

You hold the story that you’re not physically attractive. When you present yourself you will be constantly distracted by worrying about how you look. This will be reflected in your posture and the energy you give out and will dim your natural beauty and attractiveness.

You hold the story that exercise must be intense and no pain no gain. When you exercise you will be tense and stressed and end up pushing yourself too hard. You will be unable to enjoy the process and reap the benefits for your mental wellbeing. Eventually you will burn out and give up altogether.

You hold the story that thin = healthy. You will make choices that focus on losing weight believing this is what it takes to be healthy. In doing so you might neglect other areas of your health such as skipping workouts when your body needs to rest and enjoying tasty but less healthy food with loved ones.

These are just a few simple examples. Take time to reflect on the stories YOU tell yourself and feel free to share with the community in the comments below.

My experience

Personally, the practice of self-study is the one thing that finally helped me to move into a place of true wellbeing. In the past I thought that restrictive dieting, intense exercise and pushing myself to succeed was the way to better health. On the outside I might have looked fit and healthy but inside I experienced intense fear around food, chronic insomnia and anxiety, zero energy, poor digestion, failing relationships because I focused on my obsessive healthy lifestyle over socialising with friends.

I held multiple stories that all led down the same path – that I wasn’t good enough as I was. That I had to try harder, be better, do more. In the end none of this ever led to true health. The situation got worse and worse until I eventually hit the breaking point. And this was when yoga arrived in my life to save the day! Since then, regular practice of self-study, along with the other elements of the yogic path, I’ve found a deeper acceptance of myself and better health in all areas of my life. I never expected that by letting go, freeing myself of these stories and allowing myself to go with the flow would have such an impact but it did!

So what are the stories that you are telling yourself every day and what habits are they leading to? Are there stories that are keeping you from true acceptance and love for yourself? Are there stories which are preventing you from taking action that could lead you to better health? Taking the time to reflect on this will help to you realise what you truly need and how to get there.

Over to you…

If you would like to work with me to balance your hormones and improve your health, contact me to set up a free 15 minute discovery call. I am a nutritionist, yoga teacher and women’s wellness coach. We work together using a combination of modalities to support your individual needs and help you to feel your best.

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Grow your wisdom to support your wellbeing

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We have arrived at week 4 of the Women’s Wellness Challenge which is all about growing your wisdom. I hope you are enjoying the challenge so far, whether you are following along with me in January 2022 or you have found this post at some point in the future. This weeks’ topic of wisdom is an interesting one and I am so glad that Well College Global included it in their Personal Wellness course which inspired this challenge!

What does it mean to be wise?

The Cambridge English dictionary defines wisdom as:

“The ability to use your knowledge and experience to make good decisions and judgments”

In general, wise people are not simply those who have amassed large amounts of factual knowledge but they are those with real life experience, empathy and grace. Some famous wise people include:

  • Mother Theresa
  • Gandhi
  • Socrates
  • Winston Churchill
  • Lao Tzu

All of these people show wisdom in their own way, whether it is intellectual pursuits, philosophy, leadership or charity work. What they all have in common is the ability to read a situation and know what to do. They are usually action takers, change makers and creative thinkers.

Many religious or political leaders, scientists and activists could be called wise, but equally others in the same life role can be lacking in wisdom. Similarly, there are plenty of normal people who have developed wisdom during their life. This is one reason why it is so sad that we spend less time with the elderly nowadays. Older people have a huge amount of life experience and often have a lot of wisdom we can learn from – they have seen it all!

Why is wisdom important for your wellbeing?

When it comes to your wellbeing, having wisdom allows you to make decisions for your health which work for your individual body and your unique life circumstances. It means you will be less likely to get caught up in the next new health trend and end up harming your body.

Speaking personally, when I was younger I got caught up in many fad diets and unsustainable lifestyle habits in the name of “health”. It took me many years to develop the wisdom to be able to make truly healthy choices and to intuitively know when something is not right. This meant going against the grain, giving up diet culture and learning to listen within for guidance.

Wisdom helps you to find meaning an purpose in your life and to create strong, supportive communities. When we become wise, we realise what is truly important in life and can let go of anything that is not aligned, whether this is the belief that more money, less kilos or the perfect marriage will bring us fulfillment. We learn to be fascinated by the twists and turns of life and less caught up in perfecting the details.

Wisdom allows us to relax more into the flow of life. When we have the wisdom to know what we cannot change and accept it, our stress levels are hugely reduced. One of my favourite quotes is:

How can we grow our wisdom?

Research by Cop MacDonald shows two key ways to grow our wisdom:

  1. Via the influence of other wise beings.

    This includes the books that you read, the podcasts that you listen to, the art that you see as well as real life teachers, mentors and guides. In the peak of social media, this is more important than ever. Anyone can call themselves an “influencer” without having real wisdom or life experience. It’s up to you to use your intelligence, intuition and perceptive capacities to know what is good for you and what isn’t.

    I regularly carry out a social media clean up to make sure that the energy I am allowing in through these channels is in line with what I want and who I want to be. Some of the wise teachers I currently follow include Uma Dinsmore Tuli, Alexandra Pope, Dr Ray Peat, BKS Iyengar and Marianne Williamson. This doesn’t mean you should follow them too, but rather find your own teacher that can inspire and guide you on your path.

  2. Through wisdom building practices

    As well as learning from others, we can develop our own wisdom from within. One of the main ways to do this is simply through mindful living. By that I mean living with intention, purpose and with an awareness of your life experiences and how you can learn from them. In addition to daily mindfulness practice, formal practices of meditation, journaling and menstrual cycle awareness can help you to tune into your inner wisdom.

    Self-reflection is an important tool in yoga to tune into the physical sensations, energies, emotions and thoughts that arise in your experience during a practice. The same goes during any life event – pay close attention and it will always have something to teach you. It is so easy to live life in auto-pilot but only when we are truly present can we fully experience life and learn its’ lessons.

Today’s challenge: Who are your wise teachers?

I hope you enjoyed the first post of this week about wisdom and your wellbeing. Your mini task for today is to make a list of all of the teachers in your life that you consider wise. This can be people that you know in real life or those that you learn from through books or other media. Any one that you look up to and learn from can be considered your teacher.

Once you have your list, you can review it and see if there is anything missing to support the area of your wellbeing you wish to develop. If you get stuck, go back to the 5 areas of whole being nourishment to learn about the different layers of your human experience.

The rest of this week we will be focusing on specific ways to grow your wisdom including meditation, curiosity and having a light heart. If you’re interested, make sure to subscribe by email to be updated on the next post!

Over to you…

  • Comment: Who do you consider your wise teachers? I’d love to hear from you!
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meditation for self compassion

Powerful meditation for self compassion

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What does self-compassion mean?

Welcome to week three of the Women’s Wellness Challenge! Thank you again to Well College Global who have inspired this series. I hope you have enjoyed the first two weeks on the topics of nourishment and connection. This week, we will be talking all about compassion, starting with self compassion. I will share with you what this means, how to practice it and my favourite meditation for self compassion.

Compassion is important not only for our own wellbeing, but for the wellbeing of others and our society. With everything going on in the world at the moment, I think we could all do with a reminder to have more compassion! But what does this really mean? Compassion is the ability to have awareness and understanding of challenging emotions and the urge to do something about it.

This can include having empathy for others who are suffering and the desire to help them in some way. We can also show compassion for ourselves which is what I want to focus on today.

self-compassion

What does self compassion mean and why is it important?

Self compassion means being aware of our own emotions and responding with care and kindness. It also means listening to our needs and taking the time to meet them, rather than ignoring or judging them. Self compassion is a tool that we can use to support our wellbeing in difficult moments. It is a way of responding when life doesn’t exactly go to plan and prevents us from spiraling into self-hate if we don’t meet our own expectations.

Dr. Kristin Neff, a leading researcher in the field of self compassion states:

“Instead of mercilessly judging and criticizing yourself for various inadequacies or shortcomings, self-compassion means you are kind and understanding when confronted with personal failings – after all, who ever said you were supposed to be perfect?”

If you are lacking in self-compassion, you might find yourself often:

  • Blaming yourself when things go wrong
  • Criticizing parts of yourself
  • Being overly harsh towards yourself
  • Ruminating on past mistakes
  • Speaking unkindly to yourself

Experiencing these things on a regular basis will negatively affect your overall health and wellbeing. Particularly on a mental and emotional level but also physical as critical thoughts create tension which blocks the energy flow throughout your body. On the other hand, sowing yourself more compassion means you will respond in a more helpful manner when things go wrong, making you more resilient and able to bounce back.

You might also find this post helpful : Nourish your mind with kind thoughts

How to practice self compassion

The first step towards developing self compassion is becoming mindful of critical thoughts and not allowing them to take over. So often we live life in auto-pilot and our subconscious mind runs riot. We could be speaking harshly to ourselves all day long and not even notice because we are so used to it. Small comments like “I am so stupid” or “I never get anything right” might go unnoticed but it doesn’t mean they have no effect.

Starting to pay attention to how you think and speak to yourself can be challenging at first as you become aware of the hurtful things you say to yourself. But once you are aware, you have the power to change things. Replacing critical thoughts with more kind and understanding ones is not always easy but you do have this choice. It is important to remember your inherent worth as a human being and care for yourself as you would a friend or child in moments of need.

You can also practice self compassion by:

  • Using positive affirmations or mantras
  • Letting go of perfectionism and unrealistic ideals
  • Maintaining self-care rituals that nourish and relax you (more on that later in the week)
  • Practicing meditation for self compassion
  • Keeping a self compassion diary

Using these tools daily over a period of a few months can completely turn around your attitude towards yourself and enable you to live a life of balance and wellbeing!

My favourite meditation for self compassion

I want to share with you my favourite guided meditation for self compassion by the Mindful Movement on Youtube. Practice this meditation 1-2 times per week for a month and watch your relationship with yourself transform. Remember that this is not selfish! Showing kindness and compassion to others starts with offering these things to yourself.

Today’s challenge: Keep a self compassion journal

I recommended this task in my previous post on self-compassion but I will repeat it today as I think it is a very important exercise!

1. In carry a small notebook with you over a 24 hour period and whenever you notice a self-judgement (positive or negative) pop up, write it down, especially any judgements relating to your current health goals

2. At the end of the experiment, reflect on what you have written. How many times did you judge yourself? In what situations? Were your judgements mostly positive or negative?

If you find that you are often criticising yourself and your day is packed with negative self-talk, it’s maybe a good idea to focus on developing your self compassion. You can start by going through every negative item on your list and thinking of how you would respond if YOU were a coach and speaking to a client trying to improve their health. Developing your own inner coach or cheerleader is the most powerful thing you can do to reach any goal you have in life!

Over to you…

If you would like to work with me to balance your hormones and improve your health, contact me to set up a free 15 minute discovery call. I am a nutritionist, yoga teacher and women’s wellness coach. We work together using a combination of modalities to support your individual needs and help you to feel your best.

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why self esteem is important

How does self esteem affect your health?

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In today’s post I want to share why self esteem is important for improving your health. As someone who has struggled with low self esteem most of my life, I have observed how it impacted my own health and wellbeing. Through my coaching practice I now want to help other women believe in themselves. As a result, they can finally make breakthroughs with their health and find the true wellness they are seeking.

What is self esteem?

Self esteem is defined as the worth or value someone places on themselves. Not necessarily for the things that they do or own, but simply for who they are as a person. Someone with a good level of self esteem is likely to have a strong sense of personal identity and belonging in social groups. It also means feeling competent and confident about your actions and ability to create the life circumstances you desire.

Someone with high self esteem will generally view themselves in an optimistic light. They have a mostly positive view of their physical image, personality traits and capabilities. This doesn’t mean they see themselves as perfect, but rather that they accept who they are and appreciate their strengths as well as their perceived weaknesses. In addition, they believe that others also view and respond to them in a positive way (1).

Some words associated with self esteem:

  • Self-respect
  • Self-confidence
  • Self-compassion
  • Personal value
  • Worthiness
  • Deserving
  • A good person
why self esteem is important
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Signs of low self esteem

  • Talking or thinking negatively about yourself
  • Procrastinating or engaging in self-sabotaging behaviour
  • Downplaying your positive traits, skills or achievements
  • Comparing yourself negatively to others
  • Being overly critical in the face of failure or setbacks
  • Feeling excessively self-conscious, anxious or afraid of failure
  • A sense of stuckness and inability to create change
  • Worrying too much about what others think about you
  • Not being aware of or able to express your needs and boundaries
  • Lack of confidence in your abilities
  • Inability to accept compliments from others

If you can relate to several of these points, keep reading to find out why self-esteem is important for improving your health!

Why self esteem is important for improving your health

There are several reasons why self esteem is important for improving your health:

Sense of worthiness

Having a good level of self esteem means that you feel deserving of improved health. You feel that you are worth the effort it takes to make positive behaviour change. You believe in yourself and you truly wish yourself health and happiness. This might sound strange but deep down, those with a low self esteem might not want this for themselves. They may not believe that they deserve to be happy and that doing things to improve their health is a waste of time, money or effort. In fact, they might even engage in self-sabotaging behaviours which negatively impact their health (2).

Confidence in your abilities

The second reason why esteem is important for improving your health is that it brings a sense of confidence in your abilities. In order to succeed in making lasting changes in your lifestyle, you need to believe that you can! You need to believe that you have what it takes to learn new skills, change your habits and stay motivated long term. You don’t need to know everything right away. Having the belief that you are competent and able to learn is key to making improvements to your health. Otherwise, you might give up before you start or the moment challenges arise.

Staying the course

Furthermore, having self esteem will help you to stay motivated on your health improvement journey. If you have low self esteem, you might interpret any setbacks as a personal failure and blame yourself or your lack of ability. Having a higher sense of self esteem means you are more likely to appreciate the many factors involved and understand that you are not personally to blame. This makes it much easier to let go of any “failures” and keep moving towards your goals. You can view the situation objectively and find ways to improve without attacking or criticising yourself.

Positive emotions

Self esteem is one of the foundations of mental health. At it’s worst, low self esteem can lead to depression like states of feeling useless, unworthy and unlovable. These types of negative thoughts set off a chemical cascade in your emotional body which can lead to a downwards spiral of negative feelings, thoughts and behaviours. On the other hand, higher self esteem results in more positive feelings about yourself and your life. A sense of happiness and optimism can be felt even in challenging situations. A good level of self esteem improves your overall sense of wellbeing (3).

Healthy relationships

One of the elements of holistic health and wellbeing is having healthy relationships. Having a supportive network of family, friends and/or professionals around you can be the thing that lifts you up and helps you to cope with the stresses of life. Low self esteem can lead to feelings of being unworthy of other people’s love or the belief that they see you negatively. This can result is social isolation and poor mental health outcomes. Therefore, developing self esteem helps you to connect with others and find balance and wellbeing in your life.

Realistic expectations

Finally, having a good level of self esteem helps to have realistic expectations for your health. Low self esteem often results in underestimating what you can achieve and procrastinating taking action to improve your health. On the other hand, excessively high self esteem can lead to overestimating your abilities and setting too high expectations. This perfectionism may cause later disappointment or giving up if you don’t reach your high standards. Finding balance is key! This means believing in yourself and setting challenging yet realistic and achievable goals for your health.

How to boost self esteem

I’m not going to lie, boosting self esteem can be difficult and take a long time. Often low self esteem develops in childhood and it can take a lot of self-reflection and/or therapy to discover the root cause and to move past it (4). It is important to break the cycle of negative thoughts about yourself which lead to painful feelings and drive unwanted behaviours (or inaction).

This takes mindfulness to become self-aware as well as the ability to challenge the thoughts associated with low self worth. This is why working with a therapist or coach can be helpful as they provide an unbiased, outside view and can reflect back to you this inner dialogue. Replacing negative thoughts with more positive or realistic ones can be helpful to reprogram your mind to see yourself in a better light.

I have written previously about the importance of having self-compassion on your path to health. Self-compassion is not the same as self-esteem but the two often go hand in hand. Having self-compassion in moments of low self esteem means to accept that you are not feeling good about yourself but to commit to speaking more kindly to yourself and accepting and forgiving yourself for your perceived flaws.

Self esteem vs. self efficacy

One of the ways to improve self esteem is by actually taking action and accomplishing things. It should not always be about the things we achieve. However, setting yourself goals and reaching them gives you a sense of pride in yourself and your abilities. Even if your goals are small, achieving them sends the signal that you are a capable human and you can do hard things.

The problem comes when not believing in yourself prevents you from taking action. As a result, you don’t experience success because you don’t believe in yourself enough. We then have a catch 22 situation! Taking action requires self-efficacy. This is not the same as self esteem but does overlap. Self efficacy is the confidence in your ability to take action and make change. Even if you don’t like yourself or see your worth yet, you can learn to see yourself as capable and from there begin to take action.

You can increase your self-efficacy by:

  1. Setting and achieving goals (baby steps are best)
  2. Taking the time to reflect on past successes and what you have learned
  3. Understanding and accepting your strengths and weaknesses
  4. Mastering new skills or behaviours (4)

These four steps don’t necessarily require you to feel good about yourself but they certainly help. And once the ball is rolling and you begin to take action, the benefits will be exponential! Instead of a downwards spiral you will be on the up. Taking action will boost your confidence in yourself which will in turn create more positive thoughts and emotions. Feeling better about yourself will make it easier to keep moving forward.

This process of setting goals, taking action and then reflecting on your successes is part of the AGAR method of health coaching I use with my clients:

holistic health coaching method

So that is it for today. I really hope you found this post useful! Personally, improving my self esteem has helped me to make huge improvements in my health and my life. It is an ongoing journey and I still have my down days like everyone. But overall I am so happy with the progress I have made and it makes me happy to share what I am learning with others.

If this post helped you at all, please leave a comment below. I’d love to hear your thoughts and experiences and I always enjoy connecting with you. If you are interested in applying for health coaching with me, I will be opening up new client spaces from 6th December. Send me an email at lovemoonlife.mail@gmail.com to set up a free 15 minute call to find out if we are a good fit.

Have a lovely day and rest of the week!

References

(1) https://dictionary.apa.org/self-esteem
(2) MacGee, R. and Williams, S., 2000. Does low self-esteem predict health compromising behaviours among adolescents? Journal of Adolescence. 23(5). Pp.569-582. https://doi.org/10.1006/jado.2000.0344
(3) Paradise, Andrew W.; Kernis, Michael H. (2002). Self-esteem and Psychological Well-being: Implications of Fragile Self-esteem. Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology, 21(4), 345–361. doi:10.1521/jscp.21.4.345.22598 
(4) Well College Global, 2019. Personal Wellness Course notes
(5) Baumgardner, A., 1990. To know oneself is to like oneself: Self-certainty and self-affect. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 58(6), 1062–1072. doi:10.1037/0022-3514.58.6.1062 

Over to you…

If you would like to work with me to balance your hormones and improve your health, contact me to set up a free 15 minute discovery call. I am a nutritionist, yoga teacher and women’s wellness coach. We work together using a combination of modalities to support your individual needs and help you to feel your best.

  • Please like this post and share to support my business
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  • Follow me on Instagram and Facebook for daily updates and inspiration

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Change talk: identifying with the change you want to make

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I had an experience this week which got me thinking about the importance of truly identifying with the change you want to make if you want to be successful in reaching your goals. For anyone who didn’t know, I am currently shifting away from one career path into making my nutrition and health coaching business full-time. It has been a three year process of completing all of my training, building my brand and my website and starting to take on clients. It’s not something that happens overnight and so right now I am in the awkward grey area where when someone asks me what I do, I’m not quite sure what to say.

Usually something along the lines of “well.. I am an Engineer working in environmental protection but I am also a qualified nutritionist and yoga teacher and I am trying to build my own business as a Women’s Wellness Coach” is what comes out of my mouth. Sounds confusing and wishy-washy right?! Recently I realised that this may be the truth but it is not the language of success which will get me to where I want to go. Words like BUT and TRYING TO are exactly the type of words which keep us stuck early in the change process, unable to move on to action and maintenance stages of change (see below).

The word BUT suggests ambivalence, that is simultaneous and contradictory attitudes or feelings towards something. In my case, between wanting to succeed in becoming a full-time Women’s Wellness Coach and being afraid of leaving my old career behind and stepping into something new and completely unknown. Using the word BUT keeps us retuning back to the Contemplation stage of change. On the other hand, using the word TRYING TO highlights the common loop that many people get stuck in which is moving back and forward between Preparation and Action stages of change. This occurs when we are sure we want the change and have started to take action but we are lacking the self-confidence to really make the change last and keep falling back into old ways of thinking and behaving.

On top of that, my uncertain response to the question “what do you do?” is highlighting to others that I am not quite there yet and I am still attached to my previous identity. Recently I realised that if I want to build a successful, full-time business, I need to start identifying fully with my vision of being a full-time nutritionist and yoga teacher. When people ask me what I do, I need to say that I run my own business as a Women’s Wellness Coach And this is scary! Letting go of my former career and stepping into a completely new identity is pretty terrifying actually. Not only because of my own doubts, fears and insecurities but also because by creating a new identity you also have to deal with changes in how others respond to you.

In my case this is the difference between being viewed by others as an Engineer and as a Women’s Wellness Coach. On your health improvement journey, it could be the difference between being someone who likes to stay up all night partying and a person who likes to get up early and practice yoga in the morning. Or between always being the one to suggest ordering takeaway on a Friday night to cooking a healthy meal with your family at home. Whenever we make a big change we always have to process the changes in how we see ourselves as well as how others see us. This can be a tricky stage to move past but it in essential to fully identify with the vision of yourself as the person who you want to become and allow your own view of the world and others’ to adjust accordingly.

The thing is, often we make assumptions about how other people will view this change in us. Unless we ask them directly for their opinion it is our own opinion that is reflected back to us. We project our own thoughts and beliefs onto the other person. When I believe others will take me less seriously as a Women’s Wellness Coach than as an Engineer or that they will think I am less intelligent or scientifically-minded, that is me thinking that and not them. In truth, I don’t really know how others perceive this change and in reality, it doesn’t really matter. I am making this change for me because it aligns with my own core values and where I see myself thriving in a career that I love.

The same goes for changes that you wish to make for your health. You might believe that your friends will find you boring if you opt for an earlier night, or that your family won’t enjoy the food that you cook at home but perhaps this is not the truth. Maybe your friends are also waiting for the opportunity to live a more active lifestyle and your family much prefer the time spent cooking and eating together at home. But even if they don’t, it is not your responsibility to keep others happy and you should find the inner strength and belief in yourself to make the changes that are right for you and bring you more in line with your happiest, healthiest vision of yourself.

What does this look like in practice? The main thing is to watch your language and look out for words that suggest uncertainty or a lack of commitment:

I want to.. feel more energetic and healthy

I could.. start eating more fruits and vegetables

I might.. think about walking more often

I’m trying.. to go to bed before midnight

Instead, replace them with strong statements that identify with the change you wish to make:

I am.. feeling more energised and healthier each day

I do.. go for a walk every evening

I will.. eat fruit or vegetables with every meal this week

I like to.. go to bed earlier and get a good nights’ sleep

So next time someone asks me that dreaded question “what do you do?”, I will smile and say:

I am a nutritionist and yoga teacher and I run my own business as a Women’s Wellness Coach and I write a health blog at Moon Life Yoga. I like to help women let go of chronic dieting to find true health, vitality and optimal fertility!

Sounds much better right? By aligning our thoughts and language with the identity we want to create for ourselves, we gain clarity and direction and are much more likely to remain committed to our goals, even during the challenging moments. Maybe take a moment to reflect on your own health or life goals and see where this idea of identifying with a change could apply and how you could change your language to better reflect the person you see yourself becoming.

Over to you…

Let me know your thoughts on this interesting topic! Please like and share this post to support my business and follow my blog for more useful posts on nutrition, yoga and holistic health.

If you are looking for guidance, support and accountability on you health journey, please contact me or check out the nutrition and holistic health coaching packages I offer. My specialty is helping women to balance their hormones and heal their body and metabolism after chronic or restrictive dieting but I also help anyone who is looking to improve their overall health and find the perfect balance for their body. I would love to work together with you to move past any health blocks and get you feeling your best again!

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Identify with your vision for amazing health

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I had an experience this week which got me thinking about the importance of change talk. Especially the importance of truly identifying your vision for health. This is such an important change to make if you want to be successful in reaching your health goals.

For anyone who didn’t know, I am currently shifting career path to make my nutrition and health coaching business full-time. It has been a three year process of completing all of my training. In that time I have built my brand and website and started to take on clients. It’s not something that happens overnight. So right now I am in the awkward grey area where when someone asks me what I do, I’m not quite sure what to say.

Usually something along the lines of:

“Well.. I am an Engineer working in environmental protection. BUT I am also a qualified nutritionist and yoga teacher. I am trying to build my own business as a Women’s Wellness Coach”

Sounds confusing and wishy-washy right?! Recently I realised that this may be the truth but it is not the language which will lead to success. Neither will language like this lead you to your vision for health. Words like BUT and TRYING TO are exactly the type of change talk which keep us stuck early in the change process. They keep up stuck and unable to move on to action and maintenance stages of change (see below).

Stages of change

The word BUT suggests ambivalence, that is simultaneous and contradictory attitudes or feelings towards something. In my case, between wanting to succeed in becoming a full-time Women’s Wellness Coach and being afraid of leaving my old career behind and stepping into something new and completely unknown. Using the word BUT keeps us retuning back to the Contemplation stage of change.

The word TRYING TO highlights the common loop that many people get stuck in. This is moving back and forward between Preparation and Action stages of change. This occurs when you are sure you want the change, you have the vision for health and have started to take action. Simultaneously we are lacking the self-confidence to really make the change last and keep falling back into old ways of thinking and behaving.

Lack of commitment

On top of that, my uncertain response to the question “what do you do?” is highlighting to others that I am not quite there yet and I am still attached to my previous identity. Recently I realised that if I want to build a successful, full-time business, I need to start identifying fully with my vision of being a full-time nutritionist and yoga teacher.

When people ask me what I do, I need to say that I run my own business as a Women’s Wellness Coach. And this is scary! Letting go of my former career and stepping into a completely new identity is pretty terrifying actually. Not only because of my own doubts, fears and insecurities but also because by creating a new identity you also have to deal with changes in how others respond to you.

In my case this is the difference between being viewed by others as an Engineer and as a Women’s Wellness Coach. On your journey towards your vision for health, it could be the difference between being someone who likes to stay up all night partying and a person who likes to get up early and practice yoga in the morning. Or between always being the one to suggest ordering takeaway on a Friday night to cooking a healthy meal with your family at home.

Our identify with others

Whenever we make a big change we always have to process the changes in how we see ourselves as well as how others see us. This can be a tricky stage to move past but it in essential to fully identify with the vision of yourself as the person who you want to become and allow your own view of the world and others’ to adjust accordingly.

The thing is, often we make assumptions about how other people will view this change in us. Unless we ask them directly for their opinion it is our own opinion that is reflected back to us. We project our own thoughts and beliefs onto the other person. When I believe others will take me less seriously as a Women’s Wellness Coach than as an Engineer. Or that they will think I am less intelligent or scientifically-minded, that is me thinking that and not them.

In truth, I don’t really know how others perceive this change and in reality, it doesn’t really matter. I am making this change for me because it aligns with my own core values. It’s the direction where I see myself thriving in a career that I love.

The same goes for changes that you wish to make for your health. You might believe that your friends will find you boring if you opt for an earlier night. Or that your family won’t enjoy the food that you cook at home but perhaps this is not the truth. Maybe your friends are also waiting for the opportunity to live a more active lifestyle. Perhaps your family much prefer the time spent cooking and eating together at home.

And even if they don’t, it is not your responsibility to keep others happy. You should find the inner strength and belief in yourself to make the changes that are right for you. The changes that will bring you more in line with your happiest, healthiest vision of yourself. What does this look like in practice?

Change talk in practice

The main thing is to watch your language. Look out for change talk that suggests uncertainty or a lack of commitment:

I want to.. feel more energetic and healthy

I could.. start eating more fruits and vegetables

I might.. think about walking more often

I’m trying.. to go to bed before midnight

Instead, replace them with strong statements that identify with the change you wish to make:

I am.. feeling more energised and healthier each day

I do.. go for a walk every evening

I will.. eat fruit or vegetables with every meal this week

I like to.. go to bed earlier and get a good nights’ sleep

So next time someone asks me that dreaded question “what do you do?”, I will smile and say:

I am a nutritionist and yoga teacher. I run my own business as a Women’s Wellness Coach and I write a health blog at Moon Life Yoga. I help women let go of chronic dieting to find true health, vitality and optimal fertility!

Sounds much better right? By aligning our thoughts and language with the identity we want to create for ourselves, we gain clarity and direction. When we use positive change talk, we are much more likely to remain committed to our goals, even during the challenging moments. Maybe take a moment to reflect on your own health or life goals and see where this idea of identifying with a change could apply. Consider how you could change your language to better reflect the person you see yourself becoming and your vision for health.

Over to you…

If you would like to work with me to balance your hormones and improve your health, contact me to set up a free 15 minute discovery call. I am a nutritionist, yoga teacher and women’s wellness coach. We work together using a combination of modalities to support your individual needs and help you to feel your best.

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Real health #28 How self-criticism can destroy your health and what to do about it

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We’ve all been there.. one day we are feeling strong and confident and the next it is like the rug has been pulled from underneath our feet. Your inner critic goes beserk, bringing up all the reasons why you should dislike yourself, bringing up past mistakes and failures and highlighting all of your “imperfections”. For women, we are especially vulnerable to this out of control inner critic during our pre-menstrual phase as our emotional sensitivity is heightened. Yesterday was day 29 of my cycle and my inner critic hit me hard. I had a total meltdown and felt awful about myself all morning. Luckily I’ve been through this many times before and now I have ways to deal with it which I want to share with you in this article.

This experience got me thinking about just how destructive excessive self-criticism can be for our health. Our thoughts generate emotions which are felt by all of the cells in our body. Berating ourselves causes distressing feelings of sadness, unworthiness, guilt or shame which all send out chemical stress signals throughout our bodies causing all sorts of mayhem. Those feelings then trigger more destructive thoughts and the cycle continues. It could be thoughts about the way you look, your knowledge and abilities or even about your personality. Whatever it is, the inner critic can be a real bully and if we don’t get it under control it can really affect our mental and physical health.

Chronic stress, like that caused by self-criticism, is one of the worse things for our health as it leaves us stuck in fight or flight mode, unable to fully relax and let go which is when true restoration and healing takes place. Imagine living with a real-life tyrant who was constantly following you round pointing out all of your flaws and errors. You’d want to escape from that situation pretty fast right? But so many of us let the judge inside our head take over and dominate our thoughts. Being trapped in this cycle of negative self-talk and the stressful emotions that follow can prevent us from healing and even cause more damage to our bodies.

Stress affects how we digest food and assimilate nutrients, our blood sugar and blood pressure management, our hormonal balance, the health of our immune system and our ability to sleep well. So if we want to be truly healthy we have to learn how to keep our inner critic in check.

How to tame your inner critic

I’m not a psychologist, but as someone who has struggled with self criticism for most of my life, I want to share the things that help me the most to pull myself out of the hole of self-destruction whenever I get sucked in. If you have been following this blog series, you will know that journaling is my number one tool in my self-care kit. Journaling can improve your health in so many ways by helping you to uncover thoughts and beliefs that are keeping you trapped. When it comes to overcoming self-criticism, two journaling techniques I like to use are “thought replacement” and “mind-mapping”.

Thought replacement is exactly what it says on the tin… replacing critical thoughts. For 24 hours, keep your journal with you and whenever you notice yourself having a self-critical thought, write it down leaving a few lines space underneath each entry. At the end of the day, sit down with your journal in a cosy space. Set the mood by lighting a candle or incense and playing some relaxing, uplifting music. Centre yourself by closing your eyes and taking a few long, deep slow breaths. Then open your journal and read what you have written. You might be shocked by how mean you have been to yourself! Next go through each critical thought one by one, cross it out and lovingly write a new thought underneath.

This could be the opposite of the critical thought, for example:

“I am lazy and stupid” could be replaced by “I am a smart and motivated person when I want to be”

Or it could be a way that this thing could benefit you, such as:

“I am too quiet and reserved, I wish I was more outgoing” could be replaced by “I am a naturally introverted person, I am thoughtful and I am a good listener”

This isn’t a magic trick, it doesn’t mean that all of your critical thoughts will go away over night. But it does help to give you a new perspective and to see things in a different light. You can repeat this whenever you feel like your inner critic is getting out of control and come back and read your thought replacements as much as you need to.

The second journalling technique that helps me to manage my inner critic is mind-mapping. Specifically mind-mapping about my identity. Start with a blank page in your journal and write your name in big letters or the phrase “WHO AM I?”. Then start to free-associate whatever comes to your mind about your personality, your values in life, things you are good at etc. You can write negative things on there too but make sure they are balanced by positive things that you do like about yourself. You aren’t trying to create a false, perfect image of yourself here but the aim is to be realistic and allow yourself to have a more holistic view of who you are.

No one is perfect and it’s ok to acknowledge the things that you don’t like or want to improve about yourself, that’s an important step to growing and developing as a person, but if you have been beating yourself up for a long time it’s time to change your program. If you get stuck you can ask your friends and family for their input. I also really love online personality tests and find them really helpful for this technique. The 16 personalities test is the most interesting and accurate one I have found. I’m not saying that an algorithm can say more about you than you know about yourself but it can provide you with some insight into your character based on your responses and help you to see what your strengths and weaknesses might be if you can’t see them for yourself.

I don’t know about you, but I find this kind of thing fascinating! I spent hours reading over the different personalities and doing the test with all of my family and friends. It was actually really helpful for me to read the profile of some of the people I looked up to and see their weaknesses as well as their strengths. It’s really easy to fall into the trap of thinking that one personality type is “better” and wishing that you were different but in reality we all have positives and negatives and have our own path to follow in life. Often when we feel bad about ourselves it’s because we are being inauthentic by trying to be something that we are not.

In the past I felt out of alignment when I worked in the chemical industry because I felt like I was going against my core values and morals. Taking a career turn to work in environmental protection felt much more like me and there was less tension inside of me. To feel happy I need to feel like I have a purpose and I am working towards a cause. I’ve been told in the past that I get “obsessed with things” which I thought was a negative thing but in reality I am just passionate about the things I care about and that interest me. And funnily enough, the advocate personality is also supposed to be well suited to writing and to careers in counselling and holistic health which explains why I am now being called to this work in helping others improve their health!

So if you feel called to, take the test and reflect on your results. Maybe it won’t resonate with you but there will be at least a few gems that you can take. Try out the thought replacement and mind-mapping techniques whenever you have some free time. Like I say, these techniques won’t transport you from hating yourself to loving yourself overnight but they will help you to take small steps along the road of self-acceptance and help you to develop an “inner cheerleader” that can stand up for you when your inner critic gets loud. I think changing your inner dialogue is one of the best things you can do for your health. So if you’re feeling stuck and like you aren’t progressing towards your health goals, despite having a healthy lifestyle, definitely spend some time becoming aware of how you speak to yourself and maybe try out these tips.

Over to you…

I hope you enjoyed this article and the series so far. Let me know in the comments below your thoughts and your 16 personalities result if you take the test!

  • If you want to follow along with this Real Health January blog series, like this post and follow my blog for daily updates. And please share with anyone you think might be interested!
  • If you are looking for guidance, support and accountability on you health journey, please contact me for information on the health coaching packages I offer. I would love to work together with you to get you feeling your best again!

Other posts you might like

How self-criticism can destroy your health

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We’ve all been there.. one day we are feeling strong and confident and the next it is like the rug has been pulled from underneath our feet. Your inner critic goes beserk, bringing up all the reasons why you should dislike yourself, bringing up past mistakes and failures and highlighting all of your “imperfections”.

As women, we are especially vulnerable to this out of control inner critic during our pre-menstrual phase as our emotional sensitivity is heightened. Yesterday was day 29 of my cycle and my inner critic hit me hard. I had a total meltdown and felt awful about myself all morning. Luckily I’ve been through this many times before and now I have ways to deal with it which I want to share with you in this article.

How self-criticism can destroy your health

This experience got me thinking about just how destructive excessive self-criticism can be for our health. Our thoughts generate emotions which are felt by all of the cells in our body. Berating ourselves causes distressing feelings of sadness, unworthiness, guilt or shame which all send out chemical stress signals throughout our bodies causing all sorts of mayhem. Those feelings then trigger more destructive thoughts and the cycle continues. It could be thoughts about the way you look, your knowledge and abilities or even about your personality. Whatever it is, the inner critic can be a real bully and if we don’t get it under control it can really affect our mental and physical health.

Chronic stress, like that caused by self-criticism, is one of the worse things for our health as it leaves us stuck in fight or flight mode, unable to fully relax and let go which is when true restoration and healing takes place. Imagine living with a real-life tyrant who was constantly following you round pointing out all of your flaws and errors. You’d want to escape from that situation pretty fast right? But so many of us let the judge inside our head take over and dominate our thoughts. Being trapped in this cycle of negative self-talk and the stressful emotions that follow can prevent us from healing and even cause more damage to our bodies.

Stress affects how we digest food and assimilate nutrients, our blood sugar and blood pressure management, our hormonal balance, the health of our immune system and our ability to sleep well. So if we want to be truly healthy we have to learn how to keep our inner critic in check.

How to tame your inner critic

I’m not a psychologist, but as someone who has struggled with self criticism for most of my life, I want to share the things that help me the most to pull myself out of the hole of self-destruction whenever I get sucked in. If you have been following this blog series, you will know that journaling is my number one tool in my self-care kit. Journaling can improve your health in so many ways by helping you to uncover thoughts and beliefs that are keeping you trapped. When it comes to overcoming self-criticism, two journaling techniques I like to use are “thought replacement” and “mind-mapping”.

Reduce self-criticism with thought replacement

Thought replacement is exactly what it says on the tin… replacing critical thoughts. For 24 hours, keep your journal with you and whenever you notice yourself having a self-critical thought, write it down leaving a few lines space underneath each entry. At the end of the day, sit down with your journal in a cosy space. Set the mood by lighting a candle or incense and playing some relaxing, uplifting music. Centre yourself by closing your eyes and taking a few long, deep slow breaths. Then open your journal and read what you have written. You might be shocked by how mean you have been to yourself! Next go through each critical thought one by one, cross it out and lovingly write a new thought underneath.

This could be the opposite of the critical thought, for example:

“I am lazy and stupid” could be replaced by “I am a smart and motivated person when I want to be”

Or it could be a way that this thing could benefit you, such as:

“I am too quiet and reserved, I wish I was more outgoing” could be replaced by “I am a naturally introverted person, I am thoughtful and I am a good listener”

This isn’t a magic trick, it doesn’t mean that all of your critical thoughts will go away over night. But it does help to give you a new perspective and to see things in a different light. You can repeat this whenever you feel like your inner critic is getting out of control and come back and read your thought replacements as much as you need to.

Reduce self-criticism with mind-mapping

The second journalling technique that helps me to manage my inner critic is mind-mapping. Specifically mind-mapping about my identity. Start with a blank page in your journal and write your name in big letters or the phrase “WHO AM I?”. Then start to free-associate whatever comes to your mind about your personality, your values in life, things you are good at etc. You can write negative things on there too but make sure they are balanced by positive things that you do like about yourself. You aren’t trying to create a false, perfect image of yourself here but the aim is to be realistic and allow yourself to have a more holistic view of who you are.

No one is perfect and it’s ok to acknowledge the things that you don’t like or want to improve about yourself, that’s an important step to growing and developing as a person, but if you have been beating yourself up for a long time it’s time to change your program. If you get stuck you can ask your friends and family for their input. I also really love online personality tests and find them really helpful for this technique. The 16 personalities test is the most interesting and accurate one I have found. I’m not saying that an algorithm can say more about you than you know about yourself but it can provide you with some insight into your character based on your responses and help you to see what your strengths and weaknesses might be if you can’t see them for yourself.

I don’t know about you, but I find this kind of thing fascinating! I spent hours reading over the different personalities and doing the test with all of my family and friends. It was actually really helpful for me to read the profile of some of the people I looked up to and see their weaknesses as well as their strengths. It’s really easy to fall into the trap of thinking that one personality type is “better” and wishing that you were different but in reality we all have positives and negatives and have our own path to follow in life.

The inner critic and authenticity

Often when we feel bad about ourselves it’s because we are being inauthentic by trying to be something that we are not. In the past I felt out of alignment when I worked in the chemical industry because I felt like I was going against my core values and morals. Taking a career turn to work in environmental protection felt much more like me and there was less tension inside of me. To feel happy I need to feel like I have a purpose and I am working towards a cause.

I’ve been told in the past that I get “obsessed with things” which I thought was a negative thing but in reality I am just passionate about the things I care about and that interest me. And funnily enough, the advocate personality is also supposed to be well suited to writing and to careers in counselling and holistic health which explains why I am now being called to this work in helping others improve their health!

Being authentic can help to tame the inner critic because you are living in line with your strengths rather than constantly fighting against your weaknesses, This isn’t to say you should stay within your comfort zone. I am a big advocate of personal growth and self-development. But as the English saying goes “you can’t fit a square peg in a round hole”. Trying to be something you are not will keep triggering self-criticism and your inner critic, leaving you feel like you are not good enough as you are. When in reality there is a place for everyone in this world!

Summary

So if you feel called to, take the 16 personalities test and reflect on your results. Maybe it won’t resonate with you but there will be at least a few gems that you can take. Try out the thought replacement and mind-mapping techniques whenever you have some free time. Like I say, these techniques won’t transport you from hating yourself to loving yourself overnight but they will help you to take small steps along the road of self-acceptance and help you to develop an “inner cheerleader” that can stand up for you when your inner critic gets loud.

I think changing your inner dialogue is one of the best things you can do for your health. So if you’re feeling stuck and like you aren’t progressing towards your health goals, despite having a healthy lifestyle, definitely spend some time becoming aware of how you speak to yourself and maybe try out these tips.

Over to you…

  • Comment: Is self-criticism destroying your heath? Share your thoughts and experiences below!
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  • Follow my blog for more posts on nutrition, yoga and holistic health
I want to improve my health!

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self-sabotage and health

Real health #6 Why you self-sabotage your health and how to stop

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Ever wondered why you just can’t seem to that new diet, exercise regime or self-care plan? Have you set yourself hundreds of goals for your health and just when you seem to be on the right track you fall off the wagon or do something to mess it up? Do you find yourself falling into the same patterns of destructive behaviour again and again? This is called self-sabotage and it might just be the thing that is getting in the way of you reaching your health goals.

Self-sabotaging patterns include procrastination from healthy habits or or any form of addictive behaviour such as binge eating, substance abuse or over-using social media. It is defined as behaviour that deliberately causes you harm and gets in the way of you reaching your long term goals i.e. preventing you from becoming the person you want to be. I say deliberate meaning that the behaviours are often things you know aren’t good for you but often the thoughts that drive self-sabotage are unconscious meaning we aren’t even aware that we are having them. All we know is that one minute we were enthusiastic and motivated to reach our goals and the next we have given up and are back to square one.

self-sabotage and health
Photo by Nathan Cowley on Pexels.com

Why do we self-sabotage?

Psychology research says that self-sabotage is a pretty common phenomenon. We all have that critical inner voice that develops during our childhood and for some this voice is harsher and louder than for others. The voice might say that you are lazy, that you are unworthy of success or that you’ll never reach your goals so you might as well give up. Whatever it is for you, we all have a dark, destructive aspect of our psyche that just wants to destroy things, labelled by Freud as the “death drive”. It is that part of us that doesn’t seem to want happiness and seeks to disrupt anything that seems good. You might be thinking why would I ever destroy my own health and happiness?! But so many of us do it.. think of all the times you have stopped doing something that made you feel great or carried on with bad habits that you know don’t make you feel your best.

As humans we like the familiar, things that we know and understand. Our brains are wired to think and act in a certain way in the world. Our neural connections get stronger with repetition like thousands of hikers walking the same pathway across a field until a deep muddy path forms. So when we want to change our habits and develop ourselves, it takes work to form a new pathway! When we start out, it’s very easy to fall back into the groove of our old ways. Most of our actions during the day are done on auto-pilot without us even thinking about it. It takes much more energy to make decisions about our behaviour and take conscious action and our brains are energy conserving machines. So it’s totally understandable that we will slip up more than once when we are trying to change our behaviour.

I recently watched a video by Irene Lyons, a nervous system expert, who explains that procrastination, self-sabotage and “fleeing from health” (i.e. repeating the same unhealthy behaviours again and again) is even more common in those who have had a traumatic or stressful childhood. Because this feeling of stress or lack of safety has become a normal state of mind, anything else feels alien and the unconscious mind acts quickly to disrupt things. She says that the origin of self-sabotage is stored trauma or trapped survival stress in the body which needs to be processed and released.

How to eliminate self-sabotage and reach your health goals

I don’t think it’s possible to fully eliminate self-sabotage. We aren’t robots and we can’t expect ourselves to behave logically and rationally 24/7 according to the rules we set for ourselves. But there are ways we can try to minimise self-sabotage and make it easier for us to work towards our goals.

1. Have self-awareness. Being aware of your destructive thought patterns and self-sabotaging behaviour is the first step to overcoming them. Depending on how severe a problem this is for you, you might need the support of a therapist. But you can always start by spending some time in silence and solitude each day, without the distraction of technology, to tune into your inner world. Listen to the repetitive thoughts and observe the feelings that come up and reflect on how these could be contributing to your self-sabotaging behaviour.

2. Start small. Rather than setting yourself a massive goal to go from couch to marathon in 6 months, try setting smaller more manageable goals. If there is a huge gap between your current self and your goal, it can feel intimidating and overwhelming and you are much more likely to give up and sabotage any progress you have made. It’s better to focus on the actions rather than the end goal i.e. “meditate for 5 minutes a day” rather than “be able to meditate for an hour” and over time gradually increase the time that you practice. Make your goals achievable so that you can be boosted by your success rather than falling into patterns of critisising yourself for not reaching the high standards you have set for yourself.

3. Plan for failure. Once we accept that self-sabotage is a normal part of behaviour change, we can start to plan for those occasions when we are likely to fall into the unconscious self destruct trap. Think of this as the “if, then” approach. You can think of situations which are likely to trip you up or common scenarios that occur when you are trying to create healthy habits. For example, if I binge eat at night then the next morning I will have a healthy breakfast and go for a walk. If I forget my running shoes for my lunchtime jog, I will go for a walk instead. If I skip my morning yoga and meditation practice I will have a gentle stretch before bed instead. Or if I had a stressful day at work and I want to have a takeaway on the way home, I will go for a healthier option like rice and veggies rather than fish and chips or a whole pizza.

4. Have self-compassion. This goes along with planning for failure, by learning to expect ourselves to fall back into old behaviours rather than expecting ourselves to be perfect. When slip ups inevitably do happen we can learn to show ourselves kindness and understanding rather than beating ourselves up over it. This way we can avoid the inner critic running the show and keeping us stuck in negative thought loops and self-sabotaging behaviour. We can see self-sabotage as a normal part of the process and see it as an opportunity to learn more about ourselves and the funny ways our brains work.

5. Relax into health. Stress and living in an anxious, fear based mindset is going to make you more likely to sabotage yourself and fall into unhealthy coping mechanisms. This includes stress from putting pressure on yourself to take certain actions or reach your goals. To reduce self-sabotage, it’s important to try to relax and allow your nervous system to move out of flight or flight mode. This could be through a dedicated meditation practice or by simply taking breaks during the day to focus on your breath and consciously relax tension that has built up in your body. The key is to not make relaxation another task that you have to do but by focusing on the relaxed inner state that you want to feel.

Your challenge for today is to take a few moments to reflect your own behaviours and whether self sabotage is a common pattern for you whenever you are trying to improve your health and maybe you can identify any repetitive thoughts and feelings that could at the root of your self-sabotage.

OVER TO YOU…

I hope you enjoyed this article and the series so far. Let me know in the comments below your experience with self-sabotage and your tips for dealing with it.

  • If you want to follow along with this Real Health January blog series, like this post and follow my blog for daily updates. And please share with anyone you think might be interested!
  • If you are looking for guidance, support and accountability on you health journey, please contact me for information on the nutrition and holistic health coaching packages I offer. I would love to work together with you to get you feeling your best again.

Other posts you might like

what is self sabotaging your health

What is self sabotaging your health and how to stop

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What is self sabotaging your health? Ever wondered why you just can’t seem to that new diet, exercise regime or self-care plan? Have you set yourself hundreds of goals for your health. Then just when you seem to be on the right track you do something to mess it up? Do you find yourself falling into the same patterns of destructive behaviour again and again? This is called self sabotaging. And it might just be the thing that is getting in the way of you reaching your health goals!

What is self sabotaging?

Self sabotaging patterns include procrastination from healthy habits. It can also be any form of addictive behaviour such as binge eating, substance abuse or over-using social media. It is defined as behaviour that deliberately causes you harm and gets in the way of you reaching your long term goals. Self sabotage is YOU preventing YOU from becoming the person you want to be. I say deliberate meaning that the behaviours are often things you know aren’t good for you but you do them anyway.

Often the thoughts that drive self sabotaging are unconscious meaning we aren’t even aware that we are having them. All we know is that one minute we were enthusiastic and motivated to reach our goals. Then the next we have given up and are back to square one.

what is self sabotaging your health

What is self sabotaging caused by?

Psychology research says that self sabotaging is a pretty common phenomenon. We all have that critical inner voice that develops during our childhood. For some this voice is harsher and louder than for others. The voice might say that you are lazy, that you are unworthy of success. Or that you’ll never reach your goals so you might as well give up. Whatever it is for you, we all have a dark, destructive aspect of our psyche that just wants to destroy things.

This was labelled by psychoanalysis founder Sigmund Freud as the “death drive”. It is that part of us that doesn’t seem to want happiness and seeks to disrupt anything that seems good. You might be thinking why would I ever destroy my own health and happiness?! But so many of us do it. Think of all the times you have stopped doing something that made you feel great. Or when you have carried on with bad habits that you know don’t make you feel your best.

As humans we like the familiar, things that we know and understand. Our brains are wired to think and act in a certain way in the world. Our neural connections get stronger with repetition like thousands of hikers walking the same pathway across a field until a deep muddy path forms. So when we want to change our habits and develop ourselves, it takes work to form a new pathway!

What is self sabotaging and fleeing from health?

When we start out, it’s very easy to fall back into the groove of our old ways. Most of our actions during the day are done on auto-pilot without us even thinking about it. It takes much more energy to make decisions about our behaviour and take conscious action. Our brains are energy conserving machines and they like to take the easiest route. So it’s totally understandable that we will slip up more than once when we are trying to change our behaviour.

I recently watched a video by Irene Lyons, a nervous system expert talking about “fleeing from health”. This was her term for repeating the same unhealthy behaviours again and again. She explains that procrastination and self-sabotage and is even more common in those who have had a traumatic or stressful childhood. Because this feeling of stress or lack of safety has become a normal state of mind, anything else feels alien. Then the unconscious mind acts quickly to disrupt things.

She says that the origin of self-sabotage is stored trauma or trapped survival stress in the body. To overcome self sabotaging, this needs to be processed and released.

How to eliminate self sabotaging and reach your health goals

I don’t think it’s possible to fully eliminate self-sabotaging behaviour. We aren’t robots and we can’t expect ourselves to behave logically and rationally 24/7 according to the rules we set for ourselves. But there are ways we can try to minimise self-sabotaging. We can definitely make it easier for us to work towards our goals.

Have self-awareness

Being aware of your destructive thought patterns and self-sabotaging behaviour is the first step to overcoming them. Depending on how severe a problem this is for you, you might need the support of a therapist. But you can always start by spending some time in silence and solitude each day, without the distraction of technology, to tune into your inner world. Listen to the repetitive thoughts and observe the feelings that come up and reflect on how these could be contributing to your self-sabotaging behaviour.

Start small

Forget about setting yourself a massive goal to go from couch to marathon in 6 months. This is ok as a long-term vision but you also need to set smaller more manageable goals. See my previous post on how to set health goals. If there is a huge gap between your current self and your goal, it can feel intimidating and overwhelming. You will be much more likely to give up and sabotage any progress you have made. It’s better to focus on the actions rather than the end goal. For example, “meditate for 5 minutes every day” than “be able to meditate for an hour”. Start small and over time gradually increase the time that you practice. Make your goals achievable so that you can be boosted by your success. Instead of falling into patterns of critisising yourself for not reaching the high standards you have set for yourself.

Plan for failure

First, accept that self-sabotage is a normal part of behaviour change. You can then start to plan for those occasions when we are likely to fall into the unconscious self destruct trap. Think of this as the “if, then” approach. You can think of situations which are likely to trip you up. Or common scenarios that occur when you are trying to create healthy habits. Then create an “if, then” strategy. For example, if I binge eat at night then the next morning I will have a healthy breakfast and go for a walk. If I forget my running shoes for my lunchtime jog, I will go for a walk instead. If I skip my morning yoga and meditation practice I will have a gentle stretch before bed instead. Or if I arrive home hungry after a stressful day at work, I will order a healthy stir fry rather than eat a whole pizza.

Have self-compassion

This goes along with planning for failure. Learn to expect yourself to fall back into old behaviours rather than expecting perfection. When slip ups inevitably do happen show yourself kindness and understanding rather than beating yourself up over it. This way you avoid the inner critic running the show. This only keeps you stuck in negative thought loops and self-sabotaging behaviour. We can see self-sabotage as a normal part of the process. See it as an opportunity to learn more about yourself and the funny ways your brain works. Learn from every slip up and use it to make your healthy lifestyle more robust and personalised to YOU.

Relax into health

Stress and living in an anxious, fear based mindset is going to make you more likely to sabotage yourself and fall into unhealthy coping mechanisms. This includes stress from putting pressure on yourself to take certain actions or reach your goals. To reduce self-sabotage, it’s important to try to relax and allow your nervous system to move out of flight or flight mode. This could be through a dedicated meditation practice. Or by simply taking breaks during the day to focus on your breath and consciously relax tension that has built up in your body. The key is to not make relaxation another task that you have to do. Rather a way to come back to the relaxed inner state that you want to feel.

Today’s challenge: What is self sabotaging and how does it show up in your life?

Your challenge for today is to take a few moments to reflect your own behaviour. Observe whether self sabotaging is a common pattern for you whenever you are trying to improve your health. Try to identify any repetitive thoughts and feelings that could at the root of your self-sabotaging behaviour. Then this week but these 5 strategies to reduce self sabotage into place!

Over to you…

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